Dead Flowers

A few of my friends and I were discussing flowers on one of my Facebook posts today. I told my husband not to buy me flowers Valentine’s Day unless he bought them for half price the next day. I don’t need them. We’re working to pay things off so flowers feel pretty frivolous and honestly, I can’t keep a plant alive to save my life.

I’ve heard that if you are thinking about having kids you should start with a plant. If you can keep it alive, get a pet. With the pet you can learn to give it attention and play with it and learn responsibilities, and then you can move on to having kids.

If this was the case, I would have never had kids because I can not keep a plant alive, no matter how hard I try. In fact, I should probably be added to a blacklist somewhere so that when I even try to enter the lawn and garden section at Lowes someone should come out of nowhere and throat punch me to keep me from entering. It’s just not worth it. (Please no one throat punch me, I’m delicate.) I just really stand by the fact that nothing is going to survive in this house unless it can tell me it needs something. Babies cry when they want food, the dog whines when her food and water need refilled, teenagers are human garbage disposals and eat everything on their own. A plant? Plants can’t tell me that they need water and that they need sunshine or maybe that I’ve watered them to much and killed them that way.

Last year my husband bought me two adorable cactus plants from Wal-Mart that I specifically asked for. I love cactus! They are cute and tiny, but also kinda vicious. (Wait, is cactus my spirit animal/plant?) Anyway, I had also just bought an aloe plant a few weeks before that. I felt like an adult with real plants in my house and I loved that they are low maintenance. Turns out they aren’t quite low maintenance enough because all three of those plants were dead by the middle of March. Go team.

Here’s a photo in memory of them:

img_1780

Today I glanced out the window into the freezing rain and noticed another plant that I failed miserably. Not last fall, but the one before my sweet friend showed up with a mum plant as a gift. This is my friend with a green thumb who has the most adorable yard I’ve ever seen. She always asks when we will work on my yard I tell her whenever she wants to if she wants to commit to watering my flowerbed every day. Anyway, It was such a sweet gesture for her to bring me that plant so I tried really had to keep them alive. I put them in my wishing well planter that my grandpa built us, which had never seen a plant before in it’s life, and I made it a point to water them or to check them every evening. I’m not sure where everything went south, but those mums are still in the planter today. They are basically fossilized. I’m terrified to lift the pot out of the holder because who knows what’s been living in there in darkness for 2 years just waiting to attack me.

Here they are today. You can hardly see them but you get the picture. img_1777

This just pretty much drives the point home that I only need fake flowers and that my yard will never be cute. Maybe I can buy a bunch of fake metal flowers from the local flea market and decorate with those? Luckily, I’m not working on the front yard until we are done inside the house so we probably have 15 more years before that’ll be a problem. So, if you drive by my house and notice that it’s ugly and un-manicured please know that I am aware and don’t actually care.

Do you have a green thumb? or are you a plant killer?

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