10 Year Facebook challenge- What I see

Ok, I know that this challenge is basically old news because everyone was uploading their photos like 10 days ago, but today this is what’s on my mind so that’s what you get from me. Here are the photos I shared on my personal facebook. My first photo is from 2008 and my second from New Years Eve 2018.

When I look at these photos I don’t see 10 years of aging. I guess I have crows feet around my eyes now, but that’s not what sticks out to me.

When I look at 22 year old me, honestly I’d like to shake the crap out of her. She really had no clue. She wanted so badly to give off a vibe that she was perfect and she had her shit together even though that was so incredibly far from the truth. She wanted to be the perfect mom. The Pinterest mom before Pinterest existed. She wanted to cook all the best foods and make the best crafts and throw the best parties and look put together all the time. This was all that mattered to her. She was more worried about what everyone else thought of her than what she thought of herself.

She didn’t really care that she was in a toxic marriage because she didn’t want to be labeled as someone that had been divorced. She was already labeled as a teenage mom and she didn’t want another label on top of that. She was so worried about how it would look on the outside, because living in a small town is hard. And having people judge you and your choices is hard, but judging yourself is even harder. She gave herself zero grace. She didn’t take care of herself, in fact she would go weeks without drinking water. She didn’t really have many close friends and that’s understandable because I don’t think I’d want to be friends with her either. 

When I look at my most recent picture I can not believe how much I have changed and I am so incredibly proud of myself for that. I’m married to my soulmate and I’m a mother of three incredible kids. I have found that I love to travel and see the world, but also I’m an introvert and love to go a few days at a time without leaving my house. I remembered that enjoy writing. I’ve found my mommy tribe and I am so thankful for them. I have a relationship with God. I had never even cracked open a Bible in that first picture. I love working out and seeing what my body can do. I have realized that I’m not perfect and that’s ok. In fact, I don’t stress over perfection anymore. I am working hard to authentically be myself.  Also can I just say that my hair is so much better dark and I’m glad I discovered eyebrow pencils?

I am so thankful for 30-something me, and  I don’t miss 20- something me at all. I refuse to look at that 10 year old picture and think of how much time has slipped by. I look at it and think about how many lessons I’ve learned and how much better I am because of it. And I think of how much better my life is because of it.

So, when you look back at your 10 year picture try not to focus on your grey hair and wrinkles. Don’t look at the weight you’ve gained. Don’t worry about how much energy you had back then when you are crawling in bed at 9:00 on a Saturday night. Think about what you have learned in the past ten years, the people that you are gained and be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned along the way.